Tuesday, January 29, 2008

My Sorrow, life regret

My sorrow is that two people that I respect and admire for different reasons have now passed beyond the veil. My prophet Gordon B. Hinkley Died on Sunday night and my Grandfather Donald Dickson Died on Monday Night. My regret is not getting to know either of them better.

I thought I was ok on Monday when I heard the news about Gordon B. Hinkley... I could go to work and think about the wonderful things that he accomplished in the church and the love that he had for his fellow brothers and sisters. I thought about when I went and watched conference at the Tabernacle in Salt Lake City, UT. I was single, and living in Provo, UT at the time. My room-mates and I slept out overnight on Temple Square to get (free) tickets to Conference. We met others who were waiting out to get tickets.. Sang songs and drank hot cocoa.... It was a wonderful night,... then we got tickets at like 8am and then ran to the car to get dressed... It was cold that night so we were bundled up. The car was parked at the Stadium down the street from the square. I remember waiting to get in to the tabernacle and singing songs like we "We thank the O God for a Prophet" and the "Spirit of God" I remember the spirit being so strong that day... Just to sit there and watch the twelve apostles walk in and then the prophet walk in I was standing and singing and then It was as if I was standing right next to him. I was in the very back of the Tabernacle on the second floor. sqooshed with no legroom and I was right there. I had the confirmation that I saw a man, who walks, talks and is close to God. I could feel my saviors love for me. I KNEW with out a shadow of a doubt that he was a man called from God and that The Church was TRUE! It was a revelation I had known was true... But I think it wasn't as confirmed as it was on that day. I will always remember him and the Joy that he brought to those around him. Those who were able to feel of his sweet spirit and his love of the savior and for all man kind. I will miss him until we meet again.

Next my Grandpa Dickson. It wasn't your typical relationship between Grandfather and Grandchild I don't think... I didn't see him very much. I met him when I was young girl in San Antonio TX. And then he was absent out of my life until I moved to Virginia after I had graduated High School. I was a nanny in DC and my Aunt Cindy had come out to visit. She had mentioned Grandpa Dickson and I visited with him after she left or just before. We met in Downtown Oldtown Alexandria... We went to one of his favorite Thai restaurants. He spoke their native tongue and ordered for me... I had never had Thai food before. It was very interesting I like the Peanut chicken the best. Mild of course. But he thought it was funny. I asked lots of questions about him. We talked about my mother and my family in TX. It was a wonderful visit. And then he was absent again for a while until after I was married. He helped my husband and I when we were in a pickle once. I was very grateful for his generosity and his loving spirit towards us. Even though we weren't "Close" as one might say. But we were closer than others. I tried to keep in contact with him and his wife Nancy throughout the years. Nancy gave me some House selling advice once or twice. I enjoyed my conversations with Nancy. It was nice to get to know her what little I had. I don't remember actually meeting her in person. I'm sure I will at the funeral. (How unfortunate it had to be under such cercumstances.) I am sorry for her loss, my loss, my families loss and my regret is that I didn't know more about him. I didn't spend more time with him and Nancy. To actually KNOW my grandfather. I am grateful for the opportunities that I did have. He will be missed and I will always treasure him as my grandfather. I miss you.

I have learned in my life how fragil, how special life is and how family is so very important... It gets you thru the good times and the bad times. I have lost in the last 6 months two grandfathers. I miss them terribly... I wasn't able to go to my Grandpa Frazer's funeral. I was so sad that he passed away. He was the one I remember mostly. as well as my Grandpa Lancaster. Who passed away I think 18 months ago or so. It is strange that in two years I have lost all of my grandfathers. But I guess that is the way that life is. I just don't want to miss time with those that are here now. I find that family history is important as well. It helps us get a feel for where we came from and our heritage. A further sense of belonging. I am grateful for the wonderful men in my life who have helped me to grow and who have been an example for me in my life of husbands/fathers and how a man should treat a women. Thank you.

May we no longer have life regrets of what time we should have spent with family... We should just do it. May our sorrows be turned to joy as we remember the men in our lives. Thanks for everything.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Timing is everything

Timing is everything. So i've come to realize. As I have spent this last week just running into forehead slapping moment after moment. My husband and I are at our wits ends lately with all that we have going on in our crazy life. 2 hr commute each way to work to work a 9 hr schedule, Drop our kids off at the sitters way too early in the morning and then pick them up way too late in the evening. Trying to work from home one day a week so we can participate in things like scouts and Karate for at least one of our children. Never having time to do what needs to be done with the kids or for the family. So, needlessly to say, my husband and I finally sat down this weekend (saturday). and Decided that we need to prioritize our lives better. WE have got to do more of the Important things not necessarily the Urgent things but the Important Non Urgent items in our life which will help our family so much more. Things like alowing sleepovers for the kids on the weekends instead of saying we're too tired. ( some of this just to preface) is due to the fact that we realized that our children have no friends that they play with in our neighborhood or outside of. They are very isolated by our schedules. How sad, right!. Well, we decided that we need to start putting them first and helping them to blossom and when they are grown and gone then we'll try to slowdown. ( actually sleep in on a Saturday). Well, We talked thru alot of issues that we've been having with the kids, with each other and our never ending crazy life. So, We had a wonderfully inlightening discussion. With out hurt feelings and without yelling and screaming. there were tears but on both parts. We I guess finally woke up and slightly grew up all at the same time. Well here is the fun Timing issue. WE went to church on Sunday (late) but we were there. We made it for Sunday school and Relief Society/Priesthood. Sunday School was awesome and uplifting, discussing things in the Book of Mormon. Well, Then we went to our separate classes and (we had the same discussion) on Prioritizing from the Conference talks. I think it was Dallen H. Oaks talk, If i'm remembering correctly. Where he talks about several of the things that we've noticed in our family and discussed not just the day before. How awesome is that. Reinforcement for our thoughts, our hearts and our life. Timing in this discussion was everything, or we may not have been so receptive to the spirit of this talk. I'm so greatful for a loving father in heaven who helps us to come to the correct conclusion. And then reinforces our own thoughts as a confirmation to the truth of it. I am going to see about working from home more. We are going to plan more activities with the kids and other kids in church/neighborhood so they feel a sense of belonging. Eat dinners at home at night at our kitchen table even if it is late (after 8pm). Definately read our scriptures more, say our prayers more, and have our family home evenings more. The excuse that we're too tired isn't an excuse anymore. How blessed am I! To have found a truth in my weekend. :)