Feelings

Well, I've been feeling a little anxious... my brother Curtis has called me a couple of times and I don't know how i feel about him calling me. My mom wants us to have Family Home Evening with her and him... YIKES... what./... NO....! I've forgiven but does that mean that I need to include him in my life? I'm so unsure of the right thing except my gut says don't do it. I wish the best for my brother but I don't want him near my kids. Is that wrong? He has hurt them once, and I don't want him to hurt them or anyone else again. He says he's changed... But I don't want to find out. Bryen my oldest wants to see him.. and say he's sorry for letting Curtis do bad things to him... my heart breaks... It might be healing for Bryen to do that but I don't want him to have to feel bad for that. It wasn't his fault. Deep breath... Therapy maybe that will help him realize that it isn't his fault... that he doesn't need to appologize to him... I don't know. WE are going to counseling and working thru things but I still feel apprehensive. I'm trying to protect my children and at the same time trying to be christlike. I will work thru this and get over it... I just want to be able to do what is best for my children. I love them and want to protect them from anyone who could hurt them. at least away from people I know have hurt them in the past. Since I can't keep them locked in a closet for the rest of their lives. Well, thanks for letting me vent. I'll try to have more possitive posts later. Have agood day and thanks for reading.

News Update July 21, 2008

Breaking news...

My little brother Curtis is getting released today from Juvie... I'm a little nerveous as my mother wants us to welcome him home with open arms. He has been in for just over 2 yrs. I don't think Bryen knows that he is getting out so soon. I am concerned that he will revert back to destructive behavior once he finds out he is out of Jail and is near by. I want him to keep feeling safe and I feel my hands are tied. I pray for strength every day and courage to do the right thing.

Braeden lost a tooth this weekend. He is very excited.

Shae and Bill celebrated their 10 yr wedding anniversary on Friday.

Mikey worked on overcoming his fear of the ocean on Saturday... It took him 2.5 hrs to put his feet in the surf but by small steps... we can overcome our fears.

Bill's doing well with his recovery. He had a little bleeding from his insision area but have been reasured it is normal and doing well. He still gets tired easy but is in good spirits. He went to the beach this weekend and felt rejuvinated by it. It was nice to see him enjoying himself.

My sister Katy is closing on her first house this week. I'm happy for her.

My mom will have my brother Curtis living with her again. She is very excited to have him home. She has missed him greatly.

My sister Jennifer is still living at my dad's house working two jobs last I checked. She says she is doing well.

Kenneth and JP I haven't talked with in a long time. I hope they are doing well.

That is the update on our family. I'll try to post hightlights often as I know them. Thanks for your prayers.

10 yr Anniversary - Bill and Shae

This weekend was my 10 yr wedding anniversary. actually friday July 18. We decided to take a trip to the Beach with the kids (we couldn't find a sitter). So we drove to Seaford DE. stayed at a hotel there and then drove on Saturday to Assateaque Island MD to the beach and spent time there. We played in the cold ocean. Mikey didn't get brave enough to get in the water until after 2.5 hrs there. It took a good hr to get him to just sit close to the water. The noise scares him and he is worried about being pulled in the water. He has been several times before but one of the last times he was in the water... he was drilled by a wave and he didn't like it so it made him very leary about going back in the water. We were there about 4 hrs. Lots of sun... too much sun. I got sunburned on my legs (only one side). The rest did well. we got them covered with enough sunscreen. Bryen and Braeden had a fabulous time. Braeden lost a tooth at the beach. I was checking it to see how loose it was and it fell out. He was very proud to have another chance for the tooth fairy to come and visit. We went back to the hotel by way of Red Lobster--- yummy. Then went back to the hotel. I stayed in the room and nursed my poor legs with aloe vera, while Bill took the boys down stairs to the indoor pool at the hotel. They had fun there and then came back to the room for showers and bed time. we had a fun filled day. Sunday, we went to the Ocean City Boardwalk and walked around a few hrs and then came home. We go too much sun on the boardwalk (we forgot to add sunscreen) so I got more sunburn on my neck and arms. Bill got sunburned on his neck and the back of his arms and the boys were fine. (no sunburns). No gifts, no major romantic interludes... just good times with the family. I am grateful to have my little family and the time we get to spend together having fun.

Another year older... maybe not that much wiser...Who knows

Well, it's hear and gone my birthday. I got a pair of PJ's from my mom, flowers, dinner, chocolate covered strawberries, and $60.00 for clothes from Bill and the boys. I got a $50.00 gift card to Lane Bryant from my mother-in-law. A couple cards and well wishes. I was sung Happy birthday about 10 times between my sisters calling, neighbors with their kids and my kids... It was nice. I was able to go shopping today on my way home from work and got several pairs of shorts and shirts (much needed). YEA... NEW CLOTHES. All in all it wasn't too bad. I've been a little emotional lately with feelings of being overwhelmed. I'm glad I got a little break.

Not much wiser because....I haven't learned to appreciate that I'm getting older... Growing up is hard even though I don't want to be a youngen... I don't even wish to be in my early twenties... Things are getting harder and I'm glad I have the experiences that I have however, Deep breath.... I am tired. I know there is more learning and growing as we get older... I'm just tired right now and would like to take a summer break sotoo speak. That was one thing I loved about school... Summer break, No school, No getting up early for school/responsibilites. I could play with my brothers/sisters and not have to worry about homework or anything it was nice. Of course there were draw backs to that as awell... I didn't get to see my friends everyday... I had more chores to do since we were all home all day long. I got into trouble more since we were goofing off alot. I loved just lying under a giant tree on the soft green freshly cut grass... looking up at the sky at the huge white puffy clouds rolling by... make believing or seeing things in the clouds like Gigantic icecream cones, or Pirate ships sailing by, or things like a cat or dog jumping over something. Eating watermellon in the back yard and spitting seeds at my brothers and getting all sticky and rinsing off in the hose for an impromptu water fight. Helping my dad by washing cars he would work on for a little extra money and then going to the store across the highway for candy and sodas. Ah,... the good old days when things were simple.

Back to reality... Work 8 hrs a day. Full time mom, fulltime wife, daughter, friend, church callings, scripture study, temple attendance. the list goes on and on. Nothing is as simple anymore. but maybe just maybe thinking of the simple times helps us gain a better perspective of who we are, where we've been and where we are going. To realize things don't always have to be crazy out of control and things can be simple if we were willing to accept simple and be fullfilled with that. I guess that too is part of growing old that we are not content with the simple. We feel some need to be crazy out of control or we are not fully fulfilled. Oh well, enough of my ramblings.

Well, this weekend will be my 10 year anniversary being married to Bill. Some days it is hard to believe that we've been together that long after such a short courtship. I know we both try and that is the most important thing that we haven't given up on each other just yet. Luckily for me... He's not fed up with me. (just yet) ;) we can still laugh at eachother and with eachother. WE can still work thru our issues. Nothing has been more than we can work thru with the Savior as our guide. I'm grateful for that. Happy Anniversary Bill. I STILL love you!

A happy 4th of July

We had such a nice 4th of July this year. We didn't go anywhere. We stayed home and had some neighbors over here. We had hotdogs, hamburgers, pasta salad, nacho cheese/chips, beans, chips, dip, veggie tray, peach cobbler, brownie bites. and much more. It rained the first part of the evening but we cooked the hamburgers  and hotdogs inside. We played SkipBo and watched TV... Bill and the boys played Guitar Hero. and we just hung out. Then around 830ish... the neighborhood went started exploding with fireworks. we went our side and the kids played with sparklers and Bill set off some little fountains and we watched the show from our driveway of the huge fireworks in the sky. It was so nice since the rain had quit and it wasn't muggy. Lots of fireworks... we didn't come back inside til after 10 then we cleaned up a little and the neighbors went home and we went to bed. It was such a nice day to stay home and spend time with friends and family. Low stress and lots of fun. i hope you had a great safe 4th of July. We did :)