Feelings

Well, I've been feeling a little anxious... my brother Curtis has called me a couple of times and I don't know how i feel about him calling me. My mom wants us to have Family Home Evening with her and him... YIKES... what./... NO....! I've forgiven but does that mean that I need to include him in my life? I'm so unsure of the right thing except my gut says don't do it. I wish the best for my brother but I don't want him near my kids. Is that wrong? He has hurt them once, and I don't want him to hurt them or anyone else again. He says he's changed... But I don't want to find out. Bryen my oldest wants to see him.. and say he's sorry for letting Curtis do bad things to him... my heart breaks... It might be healing for Bryen to do that but I don't want him to have to feel bad for that. It wasn't his fault. Deep breath... Therapy maybe that will help him realize that it isn't his fault... that he doesn't need to appologize to him... I don't know. WE are going to counseling and working thru things but I still feel apprehensive. I'm trying to protect my children and at the same time trying to be christlike. I will work thru this and get over it... I just want to be able to do what is best for my children. I love them and want to protect them from anyone who could hurt them. at least away from people I know have hurt them in the past. Since I can't keep them locked in a closet for the rest of their lives. Well, thanks for letting me vent. I'll try to have more possitive posts later. Have agood day and thanks for reading.

News Update July 21, 2008

Breaking news...

My little brother Curtis is getting released today from Juvie... I'm a little nerveous as my mother wants us to welcome him home with open arms. He has been in for just over 2 yrs. I don't think Bryen knows that he is getting out so soon. I am concerned that he will revert back to destructive behavior once he finds out he is out of Jail and is near by. I want him to keep feeling safe and I feel my hands are tied. I pray for strength every day and courage to do the right thing.

Braeden lost a tooth this weekend. He is very excited.

Shae and Bill celebrated their 10 yr wedding anniversary on Friday.

Mikey worked on overcoming his fear of the ocean on Saturday... It took him 2.5 hrs to put his feet in the surf but by small steps... we can overcome our fears.

Bill's doing well with his recovery. He had a little bleeding from his insision area but have been reasured it is normal and doing well. He still gets tired easy but is in good spirits. He went to the beach this weekend and felt rejuvinated by it. It was nice to see him enjoying himself.

My sister Katy is closing on her first house this week. I'm happy for her.

My mom will have my brother Curtis living with her again. She is very excited to have him home. She has missed him greatly.

My sister Jennifer is still living at my dad's house working two jobs last I checked. She says she is doing well.

Kenneth and JP I haven't talked with in a long time. I hope they are doing well.

That is the update on our family. I'll try to post hightlights often as I know them. Thanks for your prayers.

10 yr Anniversary - Bill and Shae

This weekend was my 10 yr wedding anniversary. actually friday July 18. We decided to take a trip to the Beach with the kids (we couldn't find a sitter). So we drove to Seaford DE. stayed at a hotel there and then drove on Saturday to Assateaque Island MD to the beach and spent time there. We played in the cold ocean. Mikey didn't get brave enough to get in the water until after 2.5 hrs there. It took a good hr to get him to just sit close to the water. The noise scares him and he is worried about being pulled in the water. He has been several times before but one of the last times he was in the water... he was drilled by a wave and he didn't like it so it made him very leary about going back in the water. We were there about 4 hrs. Lots of sun... too much sun. I got sunburned on my legs (only one side). The rest did well. we got them covered with enough sunscreen. Bryen and Braeden had a fabulous time. Braeden lost a tooth at the beach. I was checking it to see how loose it was and it fell out. He was very proud to have another chance for the tooth fairy to come and visit. We went back to the hotel by way of Red Lobster--- yummy. Then went back to the hotel. I stayed in the room and nursed my poor legs with aloe vera, while Bill took the boys down stairs to the indoor pool at the hotel. They had fun there and then came back to the room for showers and bed time. we had a fun filled day. Sunday, we went to the Ocean City Boardwalk and walked around a few hrs and then came home. We go too much sun on the boardwalk (we forgot to add sunscreen) so I got more sunburn on my neck and arms. Bill got sunburned on his neck and the back of his arms and the boys were fine. (no sunburns). No gifts, no major romantic interludes... just good times with the family. I am grateful to have my little family and the time we get to spend together having fun.

Another year older... maybe not that much wiser...Who knows

Well, it's hear and gone my birthday. I got a pair of PJ's from my mom, flowers, dinner, chocolate covered strawberries, and $60.00 for clothes from Bill and the boys. I got a $50.00 gift card to Lane Bryant from my mother-in-law. A couple cards and well wishes. I was sung Happy birthday about 10 times between my sisters calling, neighbors with their kids and my kids... It was nice. I was able to go shopping today on my way home from work and got several pairs of shorts and shirts (much needed). YEA... NEW CLOTHES. All in all it wasn't too bad. I've been a little emotional lately with feelings of being overwhelmed. I'm glad I got a little break.

Not much wiser because....I haven't learned to appreciate that I'm getting older... Growing up is hard even though I don't want to be a youngen... I don't even wish to be in my early twenties... Things are getting harder and I'm glad I have the experiences that I have however, Deep breath.... I am tired. I know there is more learning and growing as we get older... I'm just tired right now and would like to take a summer break sotoo speak. That was one thing I loved about school... Summer break, No school, No getting up early for school/responsibilites. I could play with my brothers/sisters and not have to worry about homework or anything it was nice. Of course there were draw backs to that as awell... I didn't get to see my friends everyday... I had more chores to do since we were all home all day long. I got into trouble more since we were goofing off alot. I loved just lying under a giant tree on the soft green freshly cut grass... looking up at the sky at the huge white puffy clouds rolling by... make believing or seeing things in the clouds like Gigantic icecream cones, or Pirate ships sailing by, or things like a cat or dog jumping over something. Eating watermellon in the back yard and spitting seeds at my brothers and getting all sticky and rinsing off in the hose for an impromptu water fight. Helping my dad by washing cars he would work on for a little extra money and then going to the store across the highway for candy and sodas. Ah,... the good old days when things were simple.

Back to reality... Work 8 hrs a day. Full time mom, fulltime wife, daughter, friend, church callings, scripture study, temple attendance. the list goes on and on. Nothing is as simple anymore. but maybe just maybe thinking of the simple times helps us gain a better perspective of who we are, where we've been and where we are going. To realize things don't always have to be crazy out of control and things can be simple if we were willing to accept simple and be fullfilled with that. I guess that too is part of growing old that we are not content with the simple. We feel some need to be crazy out of control or we are not fully fulfilled. Oh well, enough of my ramblings.

Well, this weekend will be my 10 year anniversary being married to Bill. Some days it is hard to believe that we've been together that long after such a short courtship. I know we both try and that is the most important thing that we haven't given up on each other just yet. Luckily for me... He's not fed up with me. (just yet) ;) we can still laugh at eachother and with eachother. WE can still work thru our issues. Nothing has been more than we can work thru with the Savior as our guide. I'm grateful for that. Happy Anniversary Bill. I STILL love you!

A happy 4th of July

We had such a nice 4th of July this year. We didn't go anywhere. We stayed home and had some neighbors over here. We had hotdogs, hamburgers, pasta salad, nacho cheese/chips, beans, chips, dip, veggie tray, peach cobbler, brownie bites. and much more. It rained the first part of the evening but we cooked the hamburgers  and hotdogs inside. We played SkipBo and watched TV... Bill and the boys played Guitar Hero. and we just hung out. Then around 830ish... the neighborhood went started exploding with fireworks. we went our side and the kids played with sparklers and Bill set off some little fountains and we watched the show from our driveway of the huge fireworks in the sky. It was so nice since the rain had quit and it wasn't muggy. Lots of fireworks... we didn't come back inside til after 10 then we cleaned up a little and the neighbors went home and we went to bed. It was such a nice day to stay home and spend time with friends and family. Low stress and lots of fun. i hope you had a great safe 4th of July. We did :)

We're home

Well, we are home from the hospital. We came home on Sunday, June 22, 2008.  Bills surgery was a success. He did extremely well and was recovering well so they sent him home. It hasn't been easy but we are pushing along. We are blessed by the power of the priesthood. It has been a wonderful blessing to us. Bill, myself, and our three boys along with his parents all received blessings before he went into the hospital. We have been given the strength to endure the hardships that have come our way. I've been able to be strong and collected thru it all so far. Our faith has grown and our love for each other has expanded. I am grateful for the blessings of our family and friends as they have supported us and helped us thru this time. We are grateful for the prayers and well wishes from everyone. We have been able to keep a positive mind frame which has helped us thru these times. Bill is still recovering and is still in some pain. But he is home and doing well. Thanks for all of your prayers. :) I'm grateful for the savior and his watchful hand over our family. He carries me thru these times of trial and helping me to learn and grow and rely on his strength. 

Remember when we were all young and close? It is strange to believe that we're all grown up and have children of our own. I remember the family reunions and times we would spend at the Kirks house, and Blanco State Park and Grandma and Grandpa's house. I remember looking forward to our get togethers everytime. Those were some happy times. Look at how young we all were. Good times... good times. Well I just wanted to share with everyone part of my family. Now it is grown and would love to have another Dickson/Frazer/Lancaster/Kirk/Beaver/Moffett/Neathery/Jankus family reunion with all the cousins and their kids and spouses. Wouldn't it be fun... Maybe next year..? Any takers?

Down to the Wire and Happy Father's Day

Well, we are down to the wire almost time for Bill's surgery and I'm getting a little more stressed everyday. My house which once was cleaned is now a royal mess again, so I'm not feeling very organized and prepared for this. Yesturday was father's day and I had a wonderful day with my husband and my Father-in-law. We gave my father-in-law a heirloom Book of Mormon and a book about the Power of a Virtuous Man. We wanted him to know that we support him as the head of the family and as a priesthood holder, and that we look to him for guidance and inspirations sometimes. The boys and I gave Bill a grill and a 5lb. bag of hotdogs. He loves hotdogs. So he cooked hotdogs and we roasted marshmellows on the new grill last night. It was a nice evening. Bill is getting nerveous. He is starting to stress about the proceedure and the pain of everything. I am trying to keep his spirits up. But it isn't easy as I am getting nerveous too. I trust the lord and his power. I am just lacking in other areas. I know that the lords will will be done. We are still taking a day at a time.

Blessings of the Temple

I was blessed, this Saturday, to be able to attend the temple with my husband. It was such a wonderful experience. I was able to feel the love of my savior and his gentle arms around me. I was able to feel the comfort of prayer that can bring peace to the soul. I know that everything is in the Lord's hands and that he has made my burdans light and that he will grant my righteous prayers. I feel so blessed to have had that experience. It has brought such peace to my soul. I just wanted to share.

My thread of Joy

I am grateful for the example of my cousins. They are wonderful examples of finding the silver lining in crazy clouds when we are weary. My cousin mentioned in her blog how she was weary and yet still trying to find her thread of Joy weaved thru her life within one week. I decided that is what I needed to do as well even if on a more general level. My life right now especially, I am very weary and feel sometimes that there is no Joy only sorrow. I know the Savior has said that we must pass thru sorrow to truely be able to feel Joy. As I am going thru sorrow. I am trying to stay focused on the Joy he speaks of. It is helping me feel not so weary and overwhelmed.

1) Having a husband who loves me and that I can trust.. Peace and Joy I find in that thought.

2) Mikey (age 5) getting up on Sunday and bearing his testimony - Not scared at all - Finding strength in Truth - Such a Joy

3) Expressing my testimony on Sunday - Sharing the truth I have in my life and praising my Savior. For he carries me thru these trial that feel to much. What a Joy to have him at my side always.

4) Spending time with my boys and watching them interact nicely one with another. Realizing they are truely trying to be honorable young men. - Such a joy!

5) Finding and purchasing new Makeup that looks good on - I feel better and more like a Daughter of God. - Joy in Beauty.

6) Having a job that challenges my mind - Being able to learn new things a expand my knowledge. A joy in knowledge.

7) Having the flexibility to work from home 2 days a week. A Joy to be able to spend more time with my children and my husband. Family first/Family forever.

8) Being able to attend the temple - Joy in things of a Higher sphere. Thinking beyond self.

9) Having a priesthood holder in my home and being able to call upon the power of the priesthood when needed. This is such a JOY! Having a worthy priesthood holder as my husband is such a joy and a blessing.

10) Knowing I love my husband more every day. Joy in love!

I know some of this is broad. But sometimes our Joy can be. Anything to help brighten our lifes and see the good is a Joy. I'm greatful for the love and strength of my family. I am so happy that my Aunt Beth decided to be baptised. It is such a joy! I know it was a personal decision. But I share in her joy!

I know the Lord loves me and my family. And that as long as we put our trust in him we shall not fail. Keeping our faith and trusting in his goodness.

We have a date

We finally have a date for Bill's Surgery. He will have a cardiac Cath on June 18 and will then be admitted to Fairfax hospital for his surgery on June 19. Please keep us in your prayers. If all goes well he will mostlikely have a month of recovery, possibly a little longer. I will be home with him for all of it except that part of the time home with him I will be working from home so I can keep my job. (unless I get layed off which I should find out about within the next couple of weeks) so pray that I don't get layed off. well. Have a good day. God smiles on us daily. :)

Still waiting

We are still waiting for his surgery date. We talked to the surgen and he has another test to have done a TEE test. It is an outpatient test. He will be going tomorrow May 9th for that. Hopefully after that we will have a surgery date. We are still trying to get him to calm down and not stress so much about work and other things. One day at a time... and lots of deep breathing. I know that everything will be ok... The Lord's will be done. I am comforted that what will happen is suppose to happen and that we all have a purpose to fulfill and will not be cut short until our work here on earth is done. I know that I have enormous support in my family, friends and coworkers. I take comfort in that as well as my faith that the Lord loves me and my family and that his is our greatest source of comfort in our times of trial, need, sorrow, and struggles. He is also our biggest cheerleader in our accomplishments. He helped us to achieve. I am not stressing as much on my house as I know that it is too small in the grand sceme of things. I'm not going to sweat the small stuff.

In lighter news, my mother-in-law just retired. Which is really cool. She will be able to help us with the kids while Bill is having surgery and when we need a little help with childcare. I am so greatful for the blessings of my in-laws in my life.

The boys are getting big and growing up fast.

Getting Ready

Well, here I am working from home, looking at my messy house. Thinking of all the things I need to get done to have my house in order before Bill goes in for surgery. It is so overwhelming. I think about the messy kitchen, mt. Everest's pile of laundry in my room to wash and the other mt. olympus pile of laudry to fold and put away in a different room. The boys room is as if a tornado hit it along with an earthquake... especially since everything is in total disarray and broken dresser drawers and all... Dirty bathrooms that need cleaned. A lawn that is like a jungle that needs mowed. I'm not very focused on my work for work. My mind is preoccupied with other things. There are times that I think I'm not serving my family as I should because I am working and so many things go undone... as I am the one that has to motivate, encourage and lead to get anything done. I get so tired, I really need to spring clean,,, clean out and get rid of excess. Become a minimalist. But, unfortunatly... no time/energy/resources to do so. I'm just venting... I am working on building my faith that all will be fine. Nothing major is going to happen and we will get thru this hard time stronger and able to see the truely important things in life and lay hold upon those things. I am struggling to know how to comfort my children during this time as they are visibly shaken in this situation... I know being strong is part of the job description of being a parent and mother.

Well, I need to get back to work... I'll keep plugging along.
Thanks for stopping by :)

A little scared

Well, It's been awhile since I've written. I've got alot going on here. We just found out Friday evening (April 25, 2008). That my husband Bill will have to have another open heart surgery. His aortic root is twice the size it should be and could burst.. at which point instant death... yea scary. Well, he is been told to lower stress, no heavy lifting and to take it easy until the surgery.. which we don't quite have a date for as of yet. WE see his surgen on May 9th and then he will set the surgery date. Bill has had an open heart surgery before I met him when he was coming off of his mission. He had the ROSS proceedure done. His heart at the time was the size of a dinner plate. He almost died then as well. He was blessed by his mission president and the surgen Dr. Doty (sp?) at LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City Utah. They thought the proceedure would be good for at least 20 yrs or so... but unfortunatly as we have found out. That only 12 or 13 years later... Time for another surgery. He isn't as terrified as I am... He has been thru this once before. But, I haven't and I have three boys to think about. I'm trying to work and stay focused on the things I need to do... but it is hard. I am lucky to have a support network here. My mom is here, my husbands family is here(they've been thru this once before) and my ward and friends. I feel at this point still kind of in shock and numb. I'm going thru the motions. I don't want him mowing the lawn but he said that the doctor said he could. I just don't want to take any chances. Not only is his Aortic root twice the size but he has a leak on one of his valves from his previous surgery. So, his blood pressure is fine. but he really isn't doing well. He is tired alot. and I feel somewhat helpless as I'm not sure how to help him. I'm trying to be strong. Please keep us in your prayers. Thanks for letting me share. :)

Days with the boys

I've been able to spend a few days with my boys this week, as I've had the pleasure of working from home. On Monday I got a call from the school nurse she mentioned that Bryen (my oldest) had a strange rash on his face. I didn't know why he would've gotten a rash, he didn't have one that morning when I dropped him off at the sitters. Their sitter said he didn't have one when she dropped him off at school either. So we were in a quandry as to why he had a rash. He made it thru school and then when I got home I noticed it... His brother Braeden had some on his cheeks too... really strange. We put some Hydrocortizone cream on it and gave him some benedryl for the itching. I took them to the doctors yesturday and he said it was a form of rotovirus or rodovirus... something like that. He said it was a quick moving virus and was here quickly and gone quickly. Nothing really to do for it but wait it out. He mentioned that what I was already doing for it was good. but not to exceed 5 days with the cortisone cream or it would stain their skin. That i'd never heard before. But luckily... this morning, neither had a rash on their face and were back at school. So just as soon as it came it was gone. So I stayed home yesturday and today they are so fun to have around. I hope that I can make it a perminate thing working from home at least a few days a week. I like having daylight with the boys and doing homework with them. It is hard with my 2 hr commute to spend much time with the boys.



I got a haircut this weekend and It's too short. It's really short. I seem to get haircuts too short. It hasn't been this short in years. Bill doesn't like it he said luckily it will grow out. He is hoping it grows fast. That is one way I know it's a bad haircut.



I enjoy reading my cousin Mimi's blog. I get uplifted from reading her blog. I am encouraged to know that relationships where husbands are truely equals with their spouses do exist. I am working on that in mine, but it is really hard. My husband isn't as supportive of the things that I need to do as I would like. I have a hard time getting him to even make dinner when I'm so swamped. It would be nice if he helped out around the house more. Maybe I wouldn't be so swamped all the time. I keep feeling like I can't breathe... my house is so messy all the time now. I can't even think sometimes to make dinner. I am grateful for those truely blessed in my family who have wonderful spouses who help them. It is such a blessing. I am grateful for the things that my husband does do. He works really hard to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. I am grateful for his priesthood and the blessings that it has brought to our home. I'm grateful for the blessing of him completing an honorable mission. I am grateful that he is still here. I have been really worried about him as of late. He had open heart surgery on his mission to repair a bicuspid aortic valve. He had a heart valve transplant. This last week he started having severe heart palpetations. He went to the emergency room on Thursday night and they told him he had had too much caffiene and too much stress (probably from work) and so he took off work on Friday. Back to work this week. But I worry about him. He has a cardiology appointment on Friday this week. I'm hoping everything really is ok. It is hard with him... but it would be even harder without him. Please keep him in your prayers. He had his surgery over 9 years ago, with no issues, no problems. Here's to hoping for several more.



I don't mean to vent.... i just needed to share. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and he does alot for our family. I just know that if he wanted he could do so much more. Thanks for reading. :)

Flower Pictures I've taken

Pictures

The first two are at Arlington National Cemetary



















These two are outside of my car driving in California

Spring Break

This last week was spring break for my kids. It was a fun week. I had off on Monday and Tuesday, then I was off to California for a training class on PeopleSoft. My husband Bill had all week off with the boys. They had a lot of fun and traveled. Monday and Tuesday were nice sleeping in and letting the boys wreck havoc on the house. Well Monday at least and half of Tuesday. We just wanted to let down our hair and relax. We didn't really go anywhere. We had had a very long weekend prior to then. The friday before Spring Break was my Grandpa Dickson's Burial at the Arlington National Cemetary. It was an amazing experience. I got to visit with some of my cousins that I haven't seen in many years. My Aunts and Uncles that I haven't seen in years as well. It was good to see them all, even if it was under such curcumstances. I got to see Kotrina and Darius from the Jankus Family, Robbie and Stephanie from the Beavers and David from the Neatherly clan. Kotrina, her husband and their two boys (I unfortunately can't remember her last name or her husbands name.) They are so cute! Her little family. I remember those days all too well. She is doing so good with them. I really was so glad to see them. I brought my boys with Bill and I to the Burial. We felt it would be a good experience for them to see the patriotism of the Burial as well as the Honors of the Military. They loved the horses and they thought it was neat. It was amazing. Mikey, my youngest, started crying when they removed the casket from the hurst and put it on the back of the horse drawn wagon led by four white majestic horses. The casket was covered by the flag. The Honor Guard did a fabulous job with their movements in sync. It was very majestic. Once the casket was loaded on the back of the wagon he stopped crying. I asked him why he was crying, he said he didn't know. I think he could feel the spirit of the moment and understood even in his little 4 yr old soul, what was going on and what it all ment. It touched me to see his genuine expression of feeling at that time that I started tearing up when I thought about what it all ment. We were then invited to follow the persession of the military down to the burial location from the top of the hill where we were standing. Some drove and others walked. As we walked those visiting other graves that we passed, Stopped and saluted and stood in attention as we passed. It was so touching to see their Honor for Grandpa, whom they didn't know but knew was a fellow soldier. The commrodery was so heartfelt. After the wonderful service with the twenty one gun salute, Taps and a prayer. They folded the flag and handed it to Nancy. They said several words of praise for Grandpa and condoliences for the family. Then it was over. No one seemed to want to leave. We hung outside by the cars talking for quite a while after we were dismissed. Hugs and consoling each other. Drinking in the events of the day thus far. We eventually departed ways and several of us met at a restaurant called the Green Olive in Alexandria, VA. It was a chinese buffet. It was good. Afterwords, Bill, and I with the boys went over to Jeanne's house to let the boys run off some steam. They had a lot of fun playing in her back yard. They got very dirty... Their nice church clothes were definately worn in. luckily no rips or tears. For that I was greatful and the rest was washed out. After we hung out there for a while we all met back with the family at Aunt Jeanne's church building for a wake service of sorts. Where we could all visit and talk and relax. My kids played with Kotrina's oldest son, until he got hurt. My boys can get alittle rough. But I think they all had fun. It was nice visiting with family and catching up on what they are all doing these days. We drove home and got home around 10:30pm it was a long day. Then Saturday was running errands and getting ready for Church on Sunday. Sunday was church. Monday was the first day to rest and relax. We didn't run anywhere or do anything but stay home and try to be calm. Which was a nice day. Tuesday we slept in and then worked on the house, cleaning up and doing laundry. Braeden started getting sick and was weezing so we had to take him to the doctors as he has resperatory issues easily. He was put on an inhaler for weezing with his cold. I left for California on Wednesday. I had an early flight out of Dulles. VA at 9am which is rush hour as well as having to be there at least 2 hr early for airport security. So I was there by 7am. I got up at 4am to finish getting ready to go. Bill and the boys drove me to the airport. It was very nice of them to do. It's a long drive early in the morning. I had an uneventful time at security, and on the flight out to California. I arrived 6 hrs later in California around 12pmPST/3pmEST. The only person I know in that part of California is my husband's cousin Jessica who lives outside of San Francisco. I was going to a training class on PeopleSoft, in Pleasanton CA which is 45 min outside of San Francisco. I drove my rental car to the Hotel, but didn't stay there long. I wanted to explore this area a little bit before the sun went down. I drove around and found a Target, Walmart, Food places and other little shops. I got acclamated to the streets and found the training facility I was to attend the next day. So I would know how long it took for me in the morning to get there. While I was exploring, I called Bill to let him know that I had arrived safely. He informed me that he was on his way to North Carolina with the boys and that they were going to the Beach. I was sad. I wanted to go to the beach with the boys and see them play in the water and have fun with them. But I was doing something for work and was unable to go :( Well Bill took pictures for me so I wouldn't feel so left out. Of which I am greatful. I was still sad. I was also happy that he was taking this time to be with the boys and have fun with them. It was a long drive to the Beach (9hrs one way) with three boys in the back seat. With no help. What a brave man! I didn't do much but sleep, go to training and walk around a little in Pleasanton. It is a quaint little town with cute little shops and the best bakery for crassaunts I've ever had in my entire life. It is called Bibito, it was YUMMY! I finished my class on Friday, flew home on Saturday and got sick. I was sick Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and even today. I'm just I hope getting over it. I got Braeden's cold. Saturday the flight home wasn't too bad except for coming in to DC. My ears get too pressurized and they hurt really bad. It also took a while for me to hear anyone for the first 3 hrs I was home. Not a fun experience. It was also Mikey's 5th Birthday. I didn't like not spending it with him. I did get to have dinner with him at Red Robin. He enjoyed it. So now here we are back to work on Monday. Still a little sick, looking forward to this weekend, to be able to spend more time with the boys. Here's hoping you have a good, fun, safe Spring Break.

My Sorrow, life regret

My sorrow is that two people that I respect and admire for different reasons have now passed beyond the veil. My prophet Gordon B. Hinkley Died on Sunday night and my Grandfather Donald Dickson Died on Monday Night. My regret is not getting to know either of them better.

I thought I was ok on Monday when I heard the news about Gordon B. Hinkley... I could go to work and think about the wonderful things that he accomplished in the church and the love that he had for his fellow brothers and sisters. I thought about when I went and watched conference at the Tabernacle in Salt Lake City, UT. I was single, and living in Provo, UT at the time. My room-mates and I slept out overnight on Temple Square to get (free) tickets to Conference. We met others who were waiting out to get tickets.. Sang songs and drank hot cocoa.... It was a wonderful night,... then we got tickets at like 8am and then ran to the car to get dressed... It was cold that night so we were bundled up. The car was parked at the Stadium down the street from the square. I remember waiting to get in to the tabernacle and singing songs like we "We thank the O God for a Prophet" and the "Spirit of God" I remember the spirit being so strong that day... Just to sit there and watch the twelve apostles walk in and then the prophet walk in I was standing and singing and then It was as if I was standing right next to him. I was in the very back of the Tabernacle on the second floor. sqooshed with no legroom and I was right there. I had the confirmation that I saw a man, who walks, talks and is close to God. I could feel my saviors love for me. I KNEW with out a shadow of a doubt that he was a man called from God and that The Church was TRUE! It was a revelation I had known was true... But I think it wasn't as confirmed as it was on that day. I will always remember him and the Joy that he brought to those around him. Those who were able to feel of his sweet spirit and his love of the savior and for all man kind. I will miss him until we meet again.

Next my Grandpa Dickson. It wasn't your typical relationship between Grandfather and Grandchild I don't think... I didn't see him very much. I met him when I was young girl in San Antonio TX. And then he was absent out of my life until I moved to Virginia after I had graduated High School. I was a nanny in DC and my Aunt Cindy had come out to visit. She had mentioned Grandpa Dickson and I visited with him after she left or just before. We met in Downtown Oldtown Alexandria... We went to one of his favorite Thai restaurants. He spoke their native tongue and ordered for me... I had never had Thai food before. It was very interesting I like the Peanut chicken the best. Mild of course. But he thought it was funny. I asked lots of questions about him. We talked about my mother and my family in TX. It was a wonderful visit. And then he was absent again for a while until after I was married. He helped my husband and I when we were in a pickle once. I was very grateful for his generosity and his loving spirit towards us. Even though we weren't "Close" as one might say. But we were closer than others. I tried to keep in contact with him and his wife Nancy throughout the years. Nancy gave me some House selling advice once or twice. I enjoyed my conversations with Nancy. It was nice to get to know her what little I had. I don't remember actually meeting her in person. I'm sure I will at the funeral. (How unfortunate it had to be under such cercumstances.) I am sorry for her loss, my loss, my families loss and my regret is that I didn't know more about him. I didn't spend more time with him and Nancy. To actually KNOW my grandfather. I am grateful for the opportunities that I did have. He will be missed and I will always treasure him as my grandfather. I miss you.

I have learned in my life how fragil, how special life is and how family is so very important... It gets you thru the good times and the bad times. I have lost in the last 6 months two grandfathers. I miss them terribly... I wasn't able to go to my Grandpa Frazer's funeral. I was so sad that he passed away. He was the one I remember mostly. as well as my Grandpa Lancaster. Who passed away I think 18 months ago or so. It is strange that in two years I have lost all of my grandfathers. But I guess that is the way that life is. I just don't want to miss time with those that are here now. I find that family history is important as well. It helps us get a feel for where we came from and our heritage. A further sense of belonging. I am grateful for the wonderful men in my life who have helped me to grow and who have been an example for me in my life of husbands/fathers and how a man should treat a women. Thank you.

May we no longer have life regrets of what time we should have spent with family... We should just do it. May our sorrows be turned to joy as we remember the men in our lives. Thanks for everything.

Timing is everything

Timing is everything. So i've come to realize. As I have spent this last week just running into forehead slapping moment after moment. My husband and I are at our wits ends lately with all that we have going on in our crazy life. 2 hr commute each way to work to work a 9 hr schedule, Drop our kids off at the sitters way too early in the morning and then pick them up way too late in the evening. Trying to work from home one day a week so we can participate in things like scouts and Karate for at least one of our children. Never having time to do what needs to be done with the kids or for the family. So, needlessly to say, my husband and I finally sat down this weekend (saturday). and Decided that we need to prioritize our lives better. WE have got to do more of the Important things not necessarily the Urgent things but the Important Non Urgent items in our life which will help our family so much more. Things like alowing sleepovers for the kids on the weekends instead of saying we're too tired. ( some of this just to preface) is due to the fact that we realized that our children have no friends that they play with in our neighborhood or outside of. They are very isolated by our schedules. How sad, right!. Well, we decided that we need to start putting them first and helping them to blossom and when they are grown and gone then we'll try to slowdown. ( actually sleep in on a Saturday). Well, We talked thru alot of issues that we've been having with the kids, with each other and our never ending crazy life. So, We had a wonderfully inlightening discussion. With out hurt feelings and without yelling and screaming. there were tears but on both parts. We I guess finally woke up and slightly grew up all at the same time. Well here is the fun Timing issue. WE went to church on Sunday (late) but we were there. We made it for Sunday school and Relief Society/Priesthood. Sunday School was awesome and uplifting, discussing things in the Book of Mormon. Well, Then we went to our separate classes and (we had the same discussion) on Prioritizing from the Conference talks. I think it was Dallen H. Oaks talk, If i'm remembering correctly. Where he talks about several of the things that we've noticed in our family and discussed not just the day before. How awesome is that. Reinforcement for our thoughts, our hearts and our life. Timing in this discussion was everything, or we may not have been so receptive to the spirit of this talk. I'm so greatful for a loving father in heaven who helps us to come to the correct conclusion. And then reinforces our own thoughts as a confirmation to the truth of it. I am going to see about working from home more. We are going to plan more activities with the kids and other kids in church/neighborhood so they feel a sense of belonging. Eat dinners at home at night at our kitchen table even if it is late (after 8pm). Definately read our scriptures more, say our prayers more, and have our family home evenings more. The excuse that we're too tired isn't an excuse anymore. How blessed am I! To have found a truth in my weekend. :)